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ASCRUM Rugby v Ealing 1871 Tourists
Date: 27-05-2023 15:00
Type: Match
Section: Adults

(Amsterdam Student Rugby Association). Match report.

The men from Ealing were taken back by the facilities as we waited to meet our hosts. The pitch was immaculate, which energized the lads. As our hosts arrived and we were guided down the stadium tunnel we quickly realized the facilities we had access to were not what was previously thought. As the ASCRUM lead took us to their incredibly unique old school British rugby style club tucked in the back corner of the modern facilities it was a comical start to the day. When asking how we would sort payment for all the beer and food to be provided it was stated it would be impossible to drink more than what we were willing to pay. The deal was if we exceeded the expected amount, it would be free beer. With this information relayed to the tourists the games began. Dan O’Mahony spent over 8 hours with a 4-pint jug glued to his hand. Sadly, ASCRUM had not managed to bring a full team of players so whilst deciding what to do the virgins were set off to provide entertainment by playing a game of British Bulldog. The constantly worried Lewis Steadman questioned whether the rather firm pitch was suitable to play contact. Parkinson replied with “it’ll be grand”, moments later David Vater split his head open just above his eye. ASCRUM lads rang their teammate who was a doctor, the doctor proceeded to stitch Vater back together on the rugby club bar. After this episode, full contact was binned, and a touch match began of the Virgins vs Tourists. Abdou Traore was concerned for player safety so nominated himself as the physio, despite Erik Gee being on tour as an actual physio. Once people’s bodies began to require a top up of alcohol the game finished, and the BBQ began. Left to our own devices saw the tour veterans and honorary old man Pat Nash playing dice on a table for hours, Terry Thompson was leading the charge with storytelling and drinking games and the unlimited booze seen the feral side of many tourists. Later in the evening the ASCRUM captain requested the Ealing virgins to remove the bar from their rugby posts. This led to a fantastic challenge of trying to pole vault the lake. Later on, it was revealed by ASCRUM this was a prank as nobody has ever done it. A shout out to Nyall Wake who plummeted so hard he managed to submerge himself head to toe in the muddy river bed. ASCRUM’s generosity will never be forgotten with many of the tourists thanking them for “the best day of their lives”.

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