“(Three times) Five do Vallis Island Vets Rugby”

“What a jolly adventure we are going to have on Vallis Island again!” said little Eddie as he pulled on his shorts racing from the airport, “…blasted Austrian Airways always delaying me when I am about to beedy well sort out those chaps from Pinner with some right old strong Beck medicine”. Meanwhile back at Vallis Island the spiffing chaps were warming up with some pre-match cocoa, desperate to see Eddie again and launch their latest adventure. So they settled around the camp fire for a tale of heroism. It went something like this…

After seven minutes Evergreens drove from a lineout using the rolling maul, with Nethers throwing a dummy that would have fooled…well no one to be honest…but we went over for the first of many (unconverted) tries in the right corner. Scrummaging was a real strong point of this crisp February evening with sustained pressure after twelve minutes allowing John Fenlon to break and then peel from a maul to score. Soon after “Timmy” Sam Smith scored the easiest of his three tries after being fed by Fingers, again from a strong scrum. Soon it was 22-0 after magnificent handling, with a super quick flap pass, that led to a high tackle and penalty try, fortunately converted by Laws of the Game. With the massive South Korean crowd baying for blood and screaming “Ash, Ash, Ash…” Fab took a scrum against the head with the boy Hoban jnr showing why his Dad has retired by steaming through the middle to gift “Timmy” Sam his second: 27-0. Halftime was beckoning, with lashings, and ginger beer in store for the boys, but little Eddie marked his (late) arrival with a fine wide run, via Mark & Hoban jnr (no sun in his eyes or minor cerebrovascular accident this time Dad) to dive over in the corner.

The second half was much a repetition of the first as little Eddie, then “Timmy” reverse peristalsis Sam and finally Fenlon all showing what a marvellous trip we were having camping on the Pinner line by racking up a 51-0 lead. However, it was at this point we realised rugby is more than just MMT Vets A league points and victories when a few player swapsies were suggested - with journeyman/Quisling/all round top chap* Fenlon, Richards and several others pulling on the Pinner blue to make a game of it (* delete as applicable). In fact, prop Cotts more than excelled at 10 but several opposition consolation tries were also run in, returning smiles to the Pinner faces at the final whistle. Famished we all retired to scoff sausage rolls in the housemaster’s study and admire Gunny & Olly, but alas no Jacko = no port to send to the left.

Back in the club house Sam chugged a light & bitter (in a handle glass of course) for his slick hatrick, accompanied by Cotts for his Wilkinsonian cameo; hooray for rugby! Next game in two weeks away to Twickenham.

[Translation for Eddie - “Eddie likes rugby. So does Pat the dog. We played rugby with Eddie. He was happy. We won. They did not. We will play another match. Please be on time.]

Report by intrepid reporter Enid Green.